Apocalypse Now: The Inevitably Invincible

Day 3:

924 days until the Apocalypse.

We have come to find that there are three sources of being that are inevitably invincible. The first and foremost being, Craig Owens [as seen in the photo above]. Second, the root of ginger. And third, the most predictable: the cockroach. We have compiled a list of five reasons as to why these things are invincible. We shall start with the sexiest, and I am not referring to the cockroach.

Craig Owens:

1. He is often unable to locate his clothing.
2. He's already survived it once, [he has been seen sporting a mysterious scar across his abdominal region].
3. He is angelic, despite his over-use of the word of F***.
4. His armor of ink.
5. His ability to beautifully scream horrifying threats. For example, "I'll stop stabbing, when you stop screaming..."

Ginger:

1. The ginger root is a "tuber" therefore, it can hide underground during the various apocalyptic events of the future.
2. It has many medical qualities, including the relieving of aches in your noggin.
3. It can also heal other regions of your body.
4. It can save your horse from up-chucking during the Apocalypse, [because everyone will need a healthy horse during these events!].
5. Its taste and smell are both quite wonderfully exotic and will ease you temporarily from the inevitable stresses of the Apocalypse.

Cockroaches:

1. The fact that they are the only creature [proven] to survive the nuclear bomb.
2. The cockroach can live a complete week without its head.
3. The cockroach has six brains placed throughout its body.
4. There are about 4,500 species of the cockroach.
5. Cockroaches are without a doubt the most attractive insect [don't deny this allegation, you know its true].

P.S.

If you happen to find a box labeled "pluot" in the produce section of your local Sam's Club, please do not fall for the scam. These fruit claim to be both plum AND apricot, but after tedious research [including personal taste-tests], we have come to find that the pluot is nothing more than a plum. The only thing a pluot is good for is the possibility of being the first name of the soon-to-be offspring of Lady Gaga and/or [please consider the "or"] Craig Owens. His and/or [now, please consider the "and"] her name will be Pluot Lyric Gaga-Owens, and she/he will survive the Apocalypse!

P.S.S.

Rhinos have everything to do with birth control.